Private Sector

Greetings everyone,

Can't believe that it's Wednesday already. Well, the semester break had officially started on this week. No students, no classes, everything is no, #ijoke. Again I'm updating my blog live from the office. Just finished marking one of student's assignment and upon finishing it I realized I need a sneak peak here in my blog just to burst out things that bother my head.

So, here's the thing. I am currently working in one of the private college here in Brunei. Meaning to say that I'm in private sector. Long story short, I believe that everyone is aware with the current situation of global economy crisis and yes, this country also affected by this matter. Sales is not good, number of students allocated for each private college drop and in term of business I believe the profit also drop.

During annual dinner last year, I remembered the owner of this college mentioned that there 'might be' a cut down of headcounts. That 'might be' became reality. Two of my colleagues will going back to their hometown next week. And about few more will going back this September. I thanked God that I'm not in the list and great news is I've been offered to renew my contract. The management called me earlier last month regarding this matter but I kept things low to avoid rumors spreading within the company. I am grateful.

Deep thought about this, I realized that this is the consequences working in private sector. I felt 'kesian' with my colleagues who'll end their journey in this college. I am sad. I'm like talking to myself, 'Ok, we have to faced this kind of things when working in private sector'. And I started to envy those who are working with the government where they doesn't have to undergo this kind of things. I know I should not compare it. I know I should be grateful. It just, I am sad of this situation.

I believe in the power of prayer. Ever since I got this job, I continued to pray about it and as a result of that, I am still here. 

I tried to discuss this matter with someone that I believe will understand and comfort me via Whatsapp last night. I tried to explain everything, tried to share every story regarding this re-structuring matter. But end up having a fight. I haven't finished my story and questions keep coming up, I texted the direct points but being accused of using flowery words and I should call rather than texting. What am I supposed to do when I'm not good in expressing things verbally. I get mad and I am sad again. Hoping to get comforted but it just getting worst. 

Why don't I share it with my parents? Yay or Nay? Nay. A biggg NAY NAY. I don't want them to get worried of me. As simple as that. Decided to have my own 'me-time' today. I'm gonna devote myself to works and assignments today. No social networks. Now, it's like I'm punishing myself. Meaning to say, heart-broken sangat2 lah tu. I am sad :'(

Screenshot-ed this from CF673J IG acc. When I just finished my foundation in Crossfit in the middle of last year. #throwback

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Students.

Hello everyone,

It's me again. It's kind of rare actually for me to update my blog more than 2 times in a week but I what can I do when this is the only place where I can express everything. Plus, I can practice my grammar and typing skills here. Haha. Such a lame excuses.

So, I entitled my blog post today as 'Students'. I just want to talk about them. I've been through a gloomy day on this past few days, and last night conversation, 'doubting' was still kind of hard for me to accept that matter of fact. 

My students was having a presentation today for 2 different subjects, and I have to be their panel. 3 session of presentation is no joke man! Haha. Each session we have 2-4 groups presenting. But it's fun tho, I can evaluate them in various aspects. 

While doing all of this, I forgot for a while the reason I'm being gloomy. All credits to my students. Even though sometimes they are super duper naughty, causing me headache and stress. In the end of the day, they're the one who make me laugh out loud during class. And slightly I am getting better, at this moment.

I think that's the beauty of relationship between teacher and student. I thank God for them, my beloved students. 

...

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Attenttion

oxforddictionary.com defined Attention as,

 "The action of dealing with or taking special care of someone or something"

"Things done to express interest in or please someone"

If only man truly understand the process of how the woman's feeling work. Things would get better, probably. As time passed by, things does changed especially the action. It's not that long actually. Not as often as before, not as sweet as before, not as strong as before. The more I give, the less I get back. Man need to understand that even the smallest matter does affect the whole things for us, the woman. If only man truly understand. Never take someone for granted, including me.

Be strong little heart, thank God I owned a blog just to burst out everything in here.

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Just Eating My Feelings Away

Happy Sunday Dearest Bloggers,

The weekend is coming to an end in few hours. I wish tomorrow is still Sunday tho. Haha. Well, well, well, there's no weekend for me cause I am stuck here in front of my laptop, trying to finished those bundles of works. And please let me rest for a while by updating my blogs. 

So, it's the time of the month where I am eating my own feelings, being emotional out of no where and grumpy all the times. If only man understand this kind of situation I personally think we'll gained a world peace in different perspective. 

What I did just now was blog-walking over my own blog. Andddd I'm like, whoaaa I've been through a lot, gained a lot, lose a lot. I just want to emphasize the word "LOT" tho. While blog-walking, I read through some of my breaking-up posts, (June 2011 - Dec 2012) and the post go on actually until 2013/2014 (it never really ends). Reading all of that again, I am about to cry, I guess the scars is still there, the wounds healed tho. June-Dec 2011: dark period. 

But somehow, I am proud of myself for being able to get through all of that. Good job jujie! 

Seriously, I don't even understand my own post today. 

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Quotes

"Too blessed to be stressed"

-unknown-

"Pour yourself a drink, put on some lipstick and pull yourself together"

-Elizabeth Taylor-

"We need much less than we think we need"

-Maya Angelou-

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New Commitment

Hello bloggers,

Last working day for this week, yayy! Few more hours then I'll fly back to KK again for my cousin's wedding. Uhh, can't wait..can't wait.. running away from this sick environment for a while. It's only the second week of 2016 and I feel demotivated already. 

Here's the thing, after postponing it for about a year, by the grace of God I became student again, another yayy! I've enrolled in MBA courses in OUM. Just registered last week at KK Learning Centre and I've attended the briefing for post-grad students as well. I've picked fully-online method to study because it'll cost me a lot if I have to go back and forth to KK every weekend to attend the lecture. Another reason it'll cost me a lot, I am paying all the fees by myself. I have to cut my budget on shopping and any unnecessary stuff. *menangis dulu*. Beside that, oleh kerana saya bekerja sambil belajar, I think that the fully online method is the best for me. So, how I'm gonna juggle my time? By having a proper and discipline time management. Have to endure it for 2 years. Oh God. T.T *demimu sekeping ilmu*. But somehow, I am happy  and simply grateful for this new commitment and can't wait to start cause I got all my textbooks already in this first semester. 

But that's not the reason I feel demotivated. It's a work related issues. Besides conducting lecture here in this college, I am grateful actually that they have entrusted me to get involved in implementing a new course in this college as a slide developer. The thing is, it is not easy. "This unit guide is crazy", as per my colleague. Since last week, I've been struggling to finish it and I have 6 topics over due. It's really really stressing me out till the point it affect my emotion and eating habits. I've to get ready for my lecture in class, then conduct the lecture, guide the students in their assignment andddddd get back into this slide developer thingy. Ohh, I need a refresh button. 

Hoping that this weekend getaway will refresh me. Enjoy your weekend :)

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Another Phase of Life

Helooooo bloggers! I'm back. Weehewww!! Welcome back juj (kasi welcome diri sendiri dulu :p)

My last post was back on January, wewww time flies isn't it? I wonder how's everyone in this blog. Hoping all is well. For the past 8 months (Is it 8months? Not sure.), I remembered reading the blog updates of few blogger that I can memorize their blog URL. Yeaa, at least I'm still in contact with blogger tho I didn't post anything kan.

So, another phase of life. Finally after 7 months tanam anggur di rumah a.k.a jobless (Not really jobless, still helping dad with his work tho), I got my first job. Horrayyyy!! (Clap, clap, clap). Another blessing from Him. Grateful, grateful and grateful. 252km away from the land below the wind (according to Google map, hehe), here I am entering the brand new phases of my life. I've never reveal in social media/network/whatsoever what my job are but I think I'm revealing it here, right now. Amboiii. Haha. So, I am teaching in one of the private college here, a.k.a lecturer (actually, I'm still malu with this title).

The thing is, I have to absorb so many stuff in a very short time. Tension and pressure was build within me and I need to do something to express it all. I don't think I can express by talking it to others. I prefer writing and here I am. (Winky, wink!)

Next week, the first class of this new semester will begin. 3 weeks before, I've been assigned to teach 2 subject only. Suddenly this week they updated the timetable and add one more subject. So, in total 3 subject for me. I'm excited to teach, I'm grateful, I'm eager to teach but when it comes to preparation I'm speechless. Yes, I am working hard for it, still working hard until this point but sometimes I became clueless of what I am doing. Do you get what I mean? Have you experienced this before? Okay, I already listed down my to-do list. But in the middle of accomplishing it, I got blur. I have to do my course structure, lesson plan, slides, assignment's question and marking scheme, student's project guideline all by myself. Andddddd we have to follow few process before all of that things being approved. If not approved, we have to do it over and over again. My mind is all over the places. This week we're handling the student orientation and few of the lecturers involves in short training with Ms. Mariam including me. I'm running out of time. What should I do? I'm trying each day to motivate myself but sometimes I failed and it will become unproductive day for me. Worst feeling ever. Should I read more motivation's book then? What do you think? Is it because I have too many things to do? Or what?

Pic courtesy by my colleague, D. Focus buat kerja tu, Serius. 

P/s- So this is how it feel when we're working already. Baru mak tau. 

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Why must her?
Thats the question I would like to ask to you. But in the end of the day, I realize I have no right to ask.

Dear heart, be still and strong :'(

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A thought

A thought. Just a random title since I don't know what I should put on it. I could not sleep, soooo I decided to view my long lost contact blog but I end up updating it. It's good actually. I've finished my internship and now waiting for the convo's day which is in the end of November. *Lamaaaaaaa lagi* So here I am, staying at home like a bos. I loveee being at home actually. Who doesn't kan? Being surrounded by my family members, blissfull, since I don't even remember when is the last time I've spent time with them. I thanked you Lord for this opportunity.

The overall result is out, my current CGPA; I don't know whether I should be happy or sad or what. But one thing that I'm sure enough is I am grateful. Enough saying. At this point, I should already started the mission to find a job but you know me. Master of procrastination! Shot me people. =.= ' It's been 3 weeks since I've done my internship. Almost 1 month and I don't even realize it. The first week, I'm not doing anything. For the whole week. The second week, I've started to join back the ministry at my hometown church SIB Tudangan, and at the end of the week, I went to Labuan back for a good cause of course, later I'll blog about it. Then the third week, I've continued the preparation for the ministry along with my church members and still on going up until now. This month, quite pack for the ministry in our church because every unit has it owns activity and this includes the children ministry, youth ministry and so on.

What is this ministry actually?  What's next? When everything don't go right?

To be continue.....

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I'm back!

Hi there bloggers, finally I can update my blog back. I can't remember when is the last time I updated it. Seems like I've been abandoning the world of blogging for a while. I can only update my Insta since it's easy and fast. Done the FYP, done all the assignments and test, submitted everything except for the final exam which will start on next Wednesday and I haven't start my revision yet. Ohh maiiii! 

Actually, I've settle down my FYP on last Thursday, but I still got 2 pending group assignments, straight after that, the next day is our SSIL Night, an annual dinner for our school to celebrate the final year student, and after that on last Sunday our PPK's Farewell Dinner, and last night a simple gathering again organized by the PPP SIB Bandar Labuan. Anddddd there is 2 more events waiting for me on this week. Makan-makan of course. Haha! I'll post the picture of SSIL Night and PPK's Farewell Dinner later on. 

Talking about the FYP, the most stressing, pressured event I have experienced in my life. Lack of sleep, sleep for 1-2 hours/day, too focus on the work until you forgot to take your meal, I do feel hungry but seems like I don't have an appetite to eat until I've finished everything. Maybe that's why I've lost 2 kg in less than a month. Conflict with supervisor. Conflict emotion, crying-angry-feeling lost-disappointed, what else? All combined in one. But I'm grateful to God for the strength that He gave us, see I'm still alive. Ahaha. We can get through it, we did it because of Him, I believe in that. PTL! Presenting the FYP with unfinished function and still get praised. Isn't that a miracle? In the end of the day, I am still grateful. I'll give you a sneak peak of our system's interface ^_^ 

"Developing a Web Based System For Improving Dysgraphia Issue in Dyslexia"

I hope this system can be implemented for real out there to help person who suffer dysgraphia.

This is the First Page.

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Stress Level = 200%

Yes, its 200%. I think I'm gonna lose my mind any minute soon. Somebody, save me. Please! 

Long time ago, when I am still a junior here, I've came to watch my seniors FYP's presentation. And there is one senior, can't remember her name, just after she finish presenting their FYP, she cried and I'm like, why she's crying? Present seja pun. Yes, that's what I'm thinking that time. But now, I realize why she's crying. I know exactly the feelings. 

Sorry, my post lately been telling you guys how stress, busy and dreadful life I'm living on right now. But I have no choice, I can only express well through this blog. And now, I feel a 'lil bit better after voice-ing it out here.

 Pray a lots. Stop complaining and do the work! 

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Morning talk.

FYP's update: 

Okey, my partner managed to connect our system to the database. Yeay!! Thanks God. But still, lots more to go. Been asking around to seek for help but unfortunately there is none. I'm not gonna lose my hope. *semangat meneruskan perjuangan fyp!* 

*******************************************************

Maybe I'm not that that great. And because of that, it lead us to the place where we are standing right now. 

I miss you :'( 

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What a life.

I found out this video from my lecturer. It was our assignment actually, we have to summarize on what we've heard and see from it. It's interesting by the way. This video help us to understand more on the history of the internet. Worth to be watch!

Word. From Book of Quote. Deep meaning isn't it? Never ever lose your F A I T H. Well, i think it's enough for now, I have a date with Esther Tha. Every night date with her regarding the FYP. In less than two weeks we have to present the implementation part of our system. I can feel the pressure already but all is well, God is in control :)

Look how we transform in the pictures below! hahaha :p

From this,

We become this. Tolongggg!!

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Just a short random post

Passed 2.00am already. I'm still wide awake, accompanying my fyp's partner searching videos related to our project. Too much things in my head. A little bit stress until the pimples attacking my face again. I've been holding everything by myself since then. Hold on juji, God is in control for everything. Just have faith, hope and love.

By the way I've got a new book to be read. Been searching for this book since last year and finally it's in my hands. Thanks to my girlfriend for being so nice to help to find this book. "Becoming God's best while waiting for Mr.right". Woot..woot..haha! XD

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Quote

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day 9

It's been a while. Today, the 9th day of 3P. Everything went well so far but I found it was so tiring sitting in front of the pc's monitor all day long,dealing with the codes and so on. Finish class at 5.00pm, went back to hostel, straight away to the volleyball or basketball court, went back hostel again, took our dinner, movie time and then sleep. That's my routine for this passed few days. I supposed to do the logbook, report and revision but the laziness came and attacking me. Living this few days like people who don't have a life. =.='

I really should fix myself on this.haha. Okeyy, enough saying about that. 

*************************************

Earlier this evening, I've got a text message from my friend. We are in the same class while studying at KML. I kind of shock because we haven't contact each other for some time but in the same time I am happy because she still remember me. She's having problems with her boyfriend and seek me for an advises. I am truly speechless at the moment, her cases is the same like mine. I really don't know how to advise her, motivate her and so on. All I can say to her is to think deeply before taking any action towards their relationship. How on earth I am supposed to advice her when me, myself also failed in this thing we called 'relationship'. 

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Okeyy, enough sharing for today, it just i miss blogging sooo much. I am super duper sleepy, better off to bed now. Good night bloggers! 

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#update

Rainy Labuan. 

Update on my final exam, 4 down and 2 more to go. No words can describe my feeling toward the exam, incomplete preparation, no one to blame but me myself. Enough saying. 

************

Beautiful Disaster by Jamie McGuire. I want to reward myself with this book after finishing the final exam and 3P. Highly recommended by my girl Nana. And I can't wait to read it.

************

Heaven by Bryan Adams. Keep hitting the replay button. And I'm listening to its cover version too. Covered by Megan Nicole & Boyce Avenue. And the other one covered by SNSD Jessica & SNSD Tiffany. 

Such a beautiful song. Much Love. 

'till then bloggers. 

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28122012

Few days until new year. 

I am supposed to be back at Labuan today but due to few family reasons, I have to stay and will only be back at Labuan on 1st January. I don't know whether I should be happy or not. Exams is few days left too and I haven't even start my revision yet. I am soooo dead meat!!! 

Okeh, enough with that. Goshh, life is upside down for me right know, seems like I have lost in my own world. It's like I am not me anymore. I don't know, is it an exam fever or what. How come I totally forgot about my own dreams and goal. I know I'll get distracted by the 'distract er' but still I let myself in, allowing myself to be distracted. This sound crazy, I know. But this is the reality of me right now. I started to hide things from the one I loves,my family and you (you know who you are), trying to settle down all things by myself even I know that I can't, abandoning my responsibilities when I know I should not. Soo not juji!! Hate this side of mine.  Love life, be grateful  Love life, be grateful. Love life, be grateful. I'm talking this to myself again and again and again.

 Please come back to your sense juji! 

grabbed this from FB.

Dear God, thank you for never giving up on me. Awaken me from all of this. Let Your will be done in my life and I surrender all to You Lord. Amen.

“Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.” (Ephesians 5:14 NIV)

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Merry Christmas.

Back to hometown on last Friday. Weeeeeeeeee....!! Feels so good to be home. hehe. Spending quality time with my dear family, celebrating Christmas at church, eating non-stop. haha. That's the point. I'm forever grateful and truly blessed. Have a blessed Christmas everyone and Happy New Year 2013 in advance. 

Remember, life is a blessing! 

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relationship.

"A relationship without a trust is like a car without a gas, you can stay in it as long as you want but it won't go anywhere. "

Found this random quotes from Google and I realize it was soo true. Almost 1 year since that things happen, giving you another chance, the 1 year agreement to build the trust between us back. I can see the effort that you did to make me trust you again and I really really appreciate it. Trying my very best to trust you back and I realize I can't.  The pain is not there anymore but the wound is still there. We can easily forgive but to forget it is impossible. It's not like I am still living in my pass, I have move on but i still can't trust you back. All I want now is a time for myself. I do love you, will always love, but love only is not enough for us to carry on this relationship. I do hope you'll respect my decision. Pray, pray and pray. Who knows what God's has planned for us in the future. :'(

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