10 Things I am Thankful For..

I received the bookmark above during the Women of Destiny conference at church a few months ago. Looking at how it looks like, I know that it was a handmade. But put aside of that cause what important most is the content, the Words spoken there. It reminds me to always be thankful :)

So 10 things I am thankful for today;

1. I am thankful for the fact that I am still breathing at this moment.
2. I am thankful for my family who have been my great pillar of strength.
3. I am thankful for having a special someone who can tolerate with me through my ridiculousness
4. I am thankful for my current job.
5. I am thankful for my car.
6. I am thankful for being able to workout through Crossfit.
7. I am thankful for my friends who have been one of my source of happiness.
8. I am thankful for being able to shop things that I wanted.
9. I am thankful for being able to eat lots of delicious food.
10. I am thankful for being me.


What do you thankful for today? :)

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Life, It shall always not be good~

Not a great day to start off my week. I rested well during the weekend, get enough sleep but still not good enough to enthusiast me. Tired. Demotivated. I need some more rest I think,  the last time I took holiday that enabled me to chill at my hometown was back in February. 3 months ago. 

*****

Not enough with that. Personal relationship problems. I really can't tolerate with doubts, being accused for such a nonsense reason and false statement. Those actions remind me the old him which make me wonder, did he really changed for good or not? 

*****

Less than 2 days, we will say hello to June. Which indicates that, I have roughly one month left to get my assignments done. #studentsduty Both assignments were quite challenging because it's more on critical thinking and I have not started yet. But on top of that, June is the month of marking my student's assessment, submission of students progress report together with their e-portfolio and assessment development. T.T

*****

Budgetary. I created my personal cash flow forecast worth-ed 3 months ahead. It's my monthly routine actually but this time round I have to planned for more than a month. Why? Starting next month I have to fly back to KK, monthly basis due to various solid reasons. Anddddd the airplane tickets were freaking mahal! My goodness. BSB-BKI, operated by Royal Brunei Airlines only, so no choice. I need to pay all the bills, car loan and school fees. It's not that I can't afford it but I need to save money but how lah if like this *sigh*

*****

Today is the wedding day of my cousin a.k.a childhood friend. I'm so frustrated that I can't go home to join the celebration of their love. I missed their engagement ceremony and now I missed their wedding. Bounded to the commitment of work and plus 2 different country will never have exactly the same public holiday. It's a normal working day here~

*****

Just recently my physical condition getting weird. I woke up with a really bloated face, including my lips which rarely happened to me. My back acne suddenly attacking me again. I got 2 lines of eye-bag which I didn't even realized if my box's member did not mentioned it. Is it because of the stress of work? Stress of life? Too much thinking? Or is it because of the foods that I ate? I have no idea.

*****

It's not that when I wrote down everything here, when I voice out my endless complaints here it will solve the problem. No, not at all. But I just want to be real. I'm just a typical human being that faced this kind of situation also.

....and it shall always not bad, we only have to work hard. Be strong girl!

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Random Mumblings

Facts;

• What kind of people that do good to others but they have their hidden agenda in there, expecting that person will pay his/her kindness? Ridiculous. Itu tidak ikhlas nama dia k.
• We cannot expect people to be there for us 24 hours, 7 days per week. Physically. That is nonsense.
• We have this kind of person who's always blaming others for anythings. Dearest people of this kind of attitude, please once in a while check yourself up. Who knows that the 'anythings' that happened is all because of you. When you're pointing your index finger to other person, remember that the other 4 fingers are pointing on YOU. My primary teacher taught me that. Come on!
• We also have this kind of people whom their level of busybody-ness is very high. I suggest you to focus on your own life first k. Get a life please :)
• There's always people who doesn't act their age. Sometimes? Ok, acceptable. But most of the times. Oh no, that's totally burdensome. Kindly grow up.
• Okay, every family have their own ways on treating their kids. But please, please and please. Don't expect the other will treat you the same. Never. Inside your home and the outside world is totally a different league.

.................to be continue................

Back off negative vibes. 

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Only hate the road when you're missin' home.. -unknown

Taken using my Vivo y15 smartphones

Took the photo above few days ago. My friend and I went to Brunei International Airport to fetch our friend who's coming back from KK. While we're waiting at the arrival hall and the photo above was my front view at the moment, my mind was actively thinking about lot of things. I suddenly remembered the 'smile game' that was mentioned in the devotional article that I've read last week. The game is as simple as you just have to count how many people smile on that day. And having that in my mind, I watched and analyzed the peoples' action and reaction while waiting and arriving. Some was traveling alone, some with their family or friends, some mother with their kids only, some carrying heavy luggage, some just freely walking with their backpacks. While the peoples' who was waiting, some was patiently standing up, some sitting back like me, some wondering around in front of the gate and so on. One thing for sure, their faces when they met their loved ones is costly and very precious. And I wondered if I've ever shown that kind of expression when I met my family at the airport. I think I did, Haha. 

Long story short, then I had my family in my mind. It was just about 2 weeks ago, I was at my hometown, spending my holiday with them and at the moment I am here again, due to my commitments to dearest mankind. *sigh* The airport reminded me of my own country, my hometown, my homechurch and remind me mostly the peoples that I love especially my family. I think people who's working far away from their family are dealing with this kind of issues. I have no idea on how to solve this matter. At this moment.

#missinghome #emptiness

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Ambivert

Pic courtesy of Google.

Ambivert. Never heard of this word before until today. Showed that how poor my vocabulary is. Well, never mind. I've learned about extrovert and introvert before and somehow due to certain circumstances I end up taking a personality quiz. I want to know I fall in which category. Answered 10 multiple choice questions and clicked the result button. Then, this word "Ambivert" came out and I'm like what in the earth are this word is? Haha. Thank God the website provide a description for it. But I didn't stop there, continued my research by Google-ing it. Well, Google is everyone's' best friend. So basically this ambivert person is in the middle of extrovert and introvert. They got both characteristic of extrovert and introvert. The quiz result mentioned that "you'll see part of yourself in both". And yeah, I felt it, I mean I can see myself in it. And knowing this word answered so many questions regarding my personality because to be true, sometimes I can't even understand myself. Haha. I like to hangout with my friends, interacting with friends and strangers [socializing in a good way] but then in a second I like staying at home and just having my own 'me-time'. This situation is one of the example and it makes me wondered about the consistency within me. But no worries,  now I got my answer. *wink wink

So, how's life everyone? Well mine, some days are full with laughter and joy and some days just full with tears and grieve. But that is life people. I'm grateful because I know I'll never walk alone. My rock and salvation is with me. 

XOXO,

jmarlyn :)

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Expectancy

Updating my blog live from the office. Haha. I am in the midst of marking my students assignment but I sneak out here for a few minutes just to let go things that bothering my heart. It's been a while but still my heart is not at ease, forgiving? Yes but I think I have to voice it out then I'll be okay. Hope so. Because not all things we can voice out orally, that is why I prefer writing it here.  

According to Oxford Dictionary, expectancy is "the state of thinking or hoping that something, especially something good, will happen". I don't really expect more from others but sometimes or most of the times, yes I am. Why is that happening? I don't understand until I found the quote below. It hit straight through my heart. "We would be willing to do that much for them", I am willing to do that much for you.

Based on my experiences, this expectancy mostly will lead to disappointment and frustration. Not all but mostly. Because of the 'willingness', still I do expect and end up feeling miserable like this. I have to remind myself over and over that not everyone have the same heart as mine. I have this kind of mindset that even how bad people are, the kindness still exist within them, even just a little. Rubbish right? Haha. I also can't understand myself sometimes.

Another lesson learned, as time flies by, people will show their own colors of life. Who they really are. *smirk* But thinking it positively (untuk menyenangkan hati gue), this expectancy failure once again remind me to work hard independently and just enjoy. 

Be free dear heart.

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Let the song talk~

We pray for blessings, we pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
And all the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your word is not enough
And all the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not,
This is not our home
It's not our home

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near

What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise

#laurastory

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Reminiscing

Screenshot using my vivo Y15

The picture above was taken and posted in my Wechat at 20 Sept 2013. The good old days. I got this habit scrolling on all things that I've posted through my social network. And somehow tonight, while scrolling I stop at this one. This picture really captivated me. I love the view, captured using my old Samsung smartphone. And while looking at it some part of my heart froze. I still remembered very clearly the weather during that time, my feeling at that moment and the surrounding of course. I said there 'The end of degree's life'. It is indeed the end then. Super excited during that time. Excited on moving to the next phase of my life after accomplishing one of the goal that I've set :)

Reminiscing all this stuff remind me that I've been through a lot since that day. The ups and down of life, that is why some people said that life is like a roller-coaster. It is, was and always be. There is a time when I feel so upset cause my plan did not turned out as I wish it to be. There is always this menace that blocked my way. Sometime, I just want to give up and let things happen as it was meant to be but this small voices in my heart keep saying that 'You can do it, don't give up', 'You'll accomplish it'. I am grateful indeed that I have this kind of mindset, "Everything happened for a reason". And that's how I can get through it and keep smiling as always :)

Dear Lord, thank you for the strength.

Loves,

~JMarlyn~

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What if..

What if?

I'm dealing with so many 'what if'' question nowadays. 

• What if the perspective in my life has changed? 
• What if I am directing the focus of my life to another pathway? 
• What if my priority changed?
• What if I can't even contribute any more responsibilities toward it?
• What if this relationship preventing me growing as an individual?
• What if I want to move on?
• What if I can't lie to myself anymore?
• What if I want to live a peaceful life?
• What if I bought this thing?
• What if I stay like this?
• What if I want to stand by myself?
• What if I can't accomplish my goal?
• What if, What if and What if..

Trying to find the most accurate answers. Trying to figure out the best solution for each of this what if questions but in the end of the day I realized I can't. People will continue growing and so do I. Gosh, I need my motivation's book. 

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