Expectancy

Updating my blog live from the office. Haha. I am in the midst of marking my students assignment but I sneak out here for a few minutes just to let go things that bothering my heart. It's been a while but still my heart is not at ease, forgiving? Yes but I think I have to voice it out then I'll be okay. Hope so. Because not all things we can voice out orally, that is why I prefer writing it here.  

According to Oxford Dictionary, expectancy is "the state of thinking or hoping that something, especially something good, will happen". I don't really expect more from others but sometimes or most of the times, yes I am. Why is that happening? I don't understand until I found the quote below. It hit straight through my heart. "We would be willing to do that much for them", I am willing to do that much for you.

Based on my experiences, this expectancy mostly will lead to disappointment and frustration. Not all but mostly. Because of the 'willingness', still I do expect and end up feeling miserable like this. I have to remind myself over and over that not everyone have the same heart as mine. I have this kind of mindset that even how bad people are, the kindness still exist within them, even just a little. Rubbish right? Haha. I also can't understand myself sometimes.

Another lesson learned, as time flies by, people will show their own colors of life. Who they really are. *smirk* But thinking it positively (untuk menyenangkan hati gue), this expectancy failure once again remind me to work hard independently and just enjoy. 

Be free dear heart.

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Let the song talk~

We pray for blessings, we pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
And all the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your word is not enough
And all the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not,
This is not our home
It's not our home

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near

What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise

#laurastory

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Mumble

Hello everyone. We meet again. Feel so miserable right now and end up updating my blog. After 8 months standing in this position, I can feel the tension build within me. I am a human too and I am just 24y.o to deal with all this stuff. Technically speaking, I am still 23 y.o tho. 

Being a lecturer, it is a blessing tho. I love being one since it is one of my dream job. The thing is, the unhealthy environment at workplace. I cannot understand why such negative vibes people exist. Keep on gossiping and spreading it like they have no other things to do. And I am one of the victim even saya duduk diam-diam saja tidak kacau hidup dorang. But it is okay tho, people will only gossip things that is and always be #hotstuff *kiap2 macam mean girls HAHAHA. Even they are being like that, when it comes to work, I still treat them like as usual, tolerating with them, be professional orang bilang. But they didn't, goshh where is your professionalism and maturity? You guys are even wayyyyy too much older than me. To the haters and gossipers out there, just get a life please. Pesanan ikhlas daripada saya.

Next will be the students issues. The range of age of my students is around 18-30 years old. Means some of them are younger than me and some of them are older than me. Their issues wouldn't have full stop, every week different issues came out and I have to stand in the middle to help them settle it out. I have to be fair, that is the deal and it is so hard. Sometimes I feel like they are abusing my quality me time especially during weekend. Keep on text-ing me regarding college's stuff. It can be annoying sometimes but I realize that it was my responsibility tho. Still love them because if it wasn't them, I won't be here.

"Tough times don't last, Tough people do!"

Looking forward the 3rd week of May. Till' then, Te amo :)

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My Baby Brothers

From left; Jico, Joshua, John Calvin

Few days ago, my mom Whatsapp me this picture. My baby brothers, few years ago, I can't remember the exact year this picture was taken. Sooooo cute and adorable. Haha. Gosh, I miss them, I miss my family.
This week was a very dynamic week for me. So many unexpected things happened in the same time-work, students, personal, friends. But I am grateful for the sermon last week, "The Battle is the Lord". Ps. Rommel said, when you are in battle remember how great is your God. His great Name, Power and Love. Though most of the 'stuff' haven't settle yet, I put my faith into my awesome God knowing that He'll make a way.

Christmas Eve dinner last year

Back to the topic, my baby brothers, haha. They are growing so well, became taller than me, I miss them, I love them. End of topic XD

Till' then.

XOXO,
~jmarlyn~

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Reminiscing

Screenshot using my vivo Y15

The picture above was taken and posted in my Wechat at 20 Sept 2013. The good old days. I got this habit scrolling on all things that I've posted through my social network. And somehow tonight, while scrolling I stop at this one. This picture really captivated me. I love the view, captured using my old Samsung smartphone. And while looking at it some part of my heart froze. I still remembered very clearly the weather during that time, my feeling at that moment and the surrounding of course. I said there 'The end of degree's life'. It is indeed the end then. Super excited during that time. Excited on moving to the next phase of my life after accomplishing one of the goal that I've set :)

Reminiscing all this stuff remind me that I've been through a lot since that day. The ups and down of life, that is why some people said that life is like a roller-coaster. It is, was and always be. There is a time when I feel so upset cause my plan did not turned out as I wish it to be. There is always this menace that blocked my way. Sometime, I just want to give up and let things happen as it was meant to be but this small voices in my heart keep saying that 'You can do it, don't give up', 'You'll accomplish it'. I am grateful indeed that I have this kind of mindset, "Everything happened for a reason". And that's how I can get through it and keep smiling as always :)

Dear Lord, thank you for the strength.

Loves,

~JMarlyn~

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